[The Bogus Interview] Ok so I was totally eBay stalking this particular mag for DAYS because I’ve recently determined that my soul burns for Keanu… but then someone outbid me in the final minutes while I was out doing something considerably less important that scoring some high grade Cannabis seeds of young Reeves wisdom. I can’t even properly wig because the highest bidder is clearly one of the many fans of Sassy/Keanu/Alex Winter/ Bill and Ted, all of whom are on the list of people exempt from my wrath and deserving of every ounce of happiness that can be sucked from this cruel earth. That’s why I’m channeling my inner Bodhi-style P. Swayz and trying to be really Zen right now. So. Just…damn. Congrats, Warchild. Luckily for the rest of us, the Internet exists and I found the interview with Bill S. Preston, Esquire and Ted Theodore Logan. But it’s entirely possible I will never know whether long distance relationships are sucky or not. That is, until I meet Keanu. So back in the day editor Jane Pratt really wanted to get into Keanu’s ripped Z. Cavariccis and she wasn’t shy about letting it be known throughout the pages of Sassy. But it was actually Christina Kelly who conducted the interview with Alex and Keanu. The year was 1991. Point Break was on the horizon and a few short years later Keanu would find himself in a smash sci-fi thriller that would make him an internationally beloved superstar. I’m speaking, of course, of Johnny Mnemonic. One thing I’ve always loved about teen magazines ( and something Sassy did especially well) is that writers are allowed to spaz about their interview subjects. I mean you know Details and Vanity Fair contributors are totes fer-eaking out when Robert Pattinson invites them along for his all-flannel dirty sextravaganza parties or whatever that dude does at night…but they just can’t ACT like it. Sassy writers could flirt with the best, but also understood the power of great snark. (See Thiessen, Tiffany Amber) This interview is actually kind of awks but Christina handles it with class and sass, turning two un-stoked interviewees into characters in her own one-act play, ending with the following excerpt: [Cut short, sick to death of interviews with uncooperative subjects, CHRISTIANA slowly packs her tape recorder and notes into a black leather bag. She uncrosses her spectacular legs and stands, towering over ALEX and KEANU. She takes one last look around the trailer, at the remains of the burger, the unclean refrigerator, at ALEX, KEANU and THE PUBLICIST, before storming off gracefully. No, she did not get a good interview. But, she thought, she still had her astonishing beauty.] [Close curtain] Brillo. Full interview here

[The Bogus Interview] Ok so I was totally eBay stalking this particular mag for DAYS because I’ve recently determined that my soul burns for Keanu… but then someone outbid me in the final minutes while I was out doing something considerably less important that scoring some high grade Cannabis seeds of young Reeves wisdom. I can’t even properly wig because the highest bidder is clearly one of the many fans of Sassy/Keanu/Alex Winter/ Bill and Ted, all of whom are on the list of people exempt from my wrath and deserving of every ounce of happiness that can be sucked from this cruel earth. That’s why I’m channeling my inner Bodhi-style P. Swayz and trying to be really Zen right now.

So. Just…damn. Congrats, Warchild.

Luckily for the rest of us, the Internet exists and I found the interview with Bill S. Preston, Esquire and Ted Theodore Logan. But it’s entirely possible I will never know whether long distance relationships are sucky or not. That is, until I meet Keanu.

So back in the day editor Jane Pratt really wanted to get into Keanu’s ripped Z. Cavariccis and she wasn’t shy about letting it be known throughout the pages of Sassy. But it was actually Christina Kelly who conducted the interview with Alex and Keanu. The year was 1991. Point Break was on the horizon and a few short years later Keanu would find himself in a smash sci-fi thriller that would make him an internationally beloved superstar. I’m speaking, of course, of Johnny Mnemonic.

One thing I’ve always loved about teen magazines ( and something Sassy did especially well) is that writers are allowed to spaz about their interview subjects. I mean you know Details and Vanity Fair contributors are totes fer-eaking out when Robert Pattinson invites them along for his all-flannel dirty sextravaganza parties or whatever that dude does at night…but they just can’t ACT like it. Sassy writers could flirt with the best, but also understood the power of great snark. (See Thiessen, Tiffany Amber) This interview is actually kind of awks but Christina handles it with class and sass, turning two un-stoked interviewees into characters in her own one-act play, ending with the following excerpt:

[Cut short, sick to death of interviews with uncooperative subjects, CHRISTIANA slowly packs her tape recorder and notes into a black leather bag. She uncrosses her spectacular legs and stands, towering over ALEX and KEANU. She takes one last look around the trailer, at the remains of the burger, the unclean refrigerator, at ALEX, KEANU and THE PUBLICIST, before storming off gracefully. No, she did not get a good interview. But, she thought, she still had her astonishing beauty.]

[Close curtain]

Brillo.

Full interview here